Big crazy-ass San Francisco running event calls for crazy-ass preparation. Hey, I want to “be competitive.” Know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

I’ve heard of drunk tanks, but drunk tents???

 

Paraphrasing the old adage about going to a fight and an ice hockey game broke out, you might say of San Francisco’s world famous Bay to Breakers event that you went to a drunken, nudity-rampant street party and a 12K foot race broke out.

 

I did this “running race” for the first time ten years ago, and by race I mean there were drunken participants even before the 8 a.m. gun, fueled by rolling keg-stands and tiki bars on wheels, accompanied by thousands of flying corn tortillas at the starting line (for what reason, I have never figured out) and costumes too bizarre to describe, that is if the runners were even clothed, at all.

 

So, of course I’m doing it again this year.

Apparently, over the years, the locals have tired of upwards of 60,000, or more, people pissing on their front yard, so, for the 100th annual, the organizers claim that, this year, drinking will be verboten.

 

The quote from one official was,

“Come in a costume, come naked, just don’t come drunk.”

The sponsors have set up GITMO-style drunk tents along the race course to “detain” anyone looking to be having too much fun.

 

Actually, I think they are calling them sobering tents, but drunk tents do sound more festive, don’t you think?

 

But, a little ban on alcohol won’t stop 60,000 thirsty runners from finding their fluid fix.  I found one website devoted to just that cause, and if there ever was a just cause…this is it.

 

For the record, it didn’t take Woodward and Bernstein-level of investigative reporting to flesh out this information, not when there are websites completely dedicated to getting your buzz on.

More than just one website. Actually, quite a few of them.

 

And, a Berkeley-based brewer has designated specific “pit stops” to service the needs of us thirsty participants.

 

 

Fleshing out the bounty of nude runners this year will have to wait until I am there on Sunday, butt…I mean, but, I promise to post pictures commensurate with the journalistic standards you have become accustomed to on this site.

Know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

 

And, yes, there are websites devoted specifically to this aspect of the event, as well.

Again, more than one website; some with pictures that prove that some people would do society a huge favor by NOT running naked, and by huge, well, you know what I mean.

 

Yes, look at enough of these pictures and you will realize that butts are definitely big at Bay to Breakers.

 

Nudge, nudge – wink, wink – know what I mean, know what I mean – say no more, say no more.