The expanding image of the typical American has broadened as a trending topic on a large scale.
Yeah, I get it. We have gotten fat.
As we travel the world, our image—as our bellies—have grown yet another trait that identifies us in a not very complimentary manner.
Speaking of our manners, that is exactly what birthed the concept of the Ugly American. Going back to the 50’s, many a foreign resident viewed us as being,
“…loud, arrogant, demeaning, thoughtless, ignorant, and ethnocentric…”
Thanks to fast foods, high fructose corn syrup, and 24/7 digital distractions, we have added our girth (literally) to that litany of negative credentials.
I feel it every time I get stuck in the middle seat on a nine-hour transatlantic flight, with some overweight guy bulging well into my personal airspace.
Of all the thoughts that go through my mind in those instances, that this guy is really the new image of a sexy body is not one of the top ten that I think about. Not even on the top one hundred.
Of course, truth be told, I need only look in a mirror to see that guy might be me, especially if the wife-person keeps baking plates of incredible sweet treats, like the amazing dark chocolate dipped, marzipan-tasting, almond cookies I found on a plate on the kitchen counter.
(Which, I later found out were for her club meeting the next day…oops.)
The result of all my high calorie grazing is, now that I have topped 60, my weight keeps inching up, along with my belt size.
I have been thinking about doing something about this, which is not to be confused with actually doing something about this.
Now it comes out that I don’t have to do anything about this; I could have gorged myself on the entire plate of treats.
(Hey, I was already in deep doo-doo.)
What momentous, life-altering event changed the world view of my physical condition?
Thanks to Breaking News from Jon Stewart, I learned that it was no longer necessary to suck in my ample gut whenever I was in sight of the fairer sex.
If this story was legitimate, I could breathe out knowing that my ample belly was now considered not only desirable, but even—gasp—sexy. The news goes that I am packing what is a highly desirable manly bulge above my beltline.
According to a recent story in the New York Daily News,
“Women are lusting after dudes with “dad bods” — a little extra gut around the middle.”
Even Hollywood heartthrob megastars have been seen sporting the look.
“You don’t have to be a dad to have a Dad Bod, you just have to be really lazy.”
Schaal even claimed that,
…women are lining up at the Dad Bod buffet.”
Well, I’m here to tell you that either the story is bogus, or I have been lining up at the wrong buffets.
I have tried three Old Country Buffets and two Sizzlers and I keep getting the same looks of disdain from all the women I parade by. This was especially unexpected, since I was sporting my outfit of yoga pants and a lycra top.
In the meantime, the wife-person has started to get suspicious why I want to go eat at yet another buffet, and more worrisome, why I keep strutting up and down the buffet line over and over.
I was starting to get skeptical, but even Jimmy Fallon acknowledged the Dad Bod phenomenon in his Pros & Cons segment. Here are a couple of them:
PRO: No longer worrying about what you see on the scale.
CON: Because your gut is blocking the view.
PRO: Being comfortable of having a soft, flabby body with zero muscle tone..
CON: Realizing you still need to lose 75 pounds to attain that [Dad Bod] physique.
Well, since this news is on the internet, it must be true. So, maybe I will go try a big slice from that berry pie I saw in the refrigerator.
I’m sure she made it for me.