Total solar eclipse travel secret you won’t read anywhere else.

There’s an old cliché that when you get to a certain age, you never pass up a place to pee.

This has something to do with the fact that when you reach your golden years, you have something in common with your earliest years. I’ll say no more, except the term “golden” years may be a hint.

The countdown to the much ballyhooed Great American Eclipse is now down to one month from today, on August 21st.

The path of what is called the totality—as in, it will be totally dark—is a swath about 70 miles wide, “traveling” from the Pacific northwest, diagonally to the southeast region of the U.S.

Countless news stories have explained the big event, from exactly what it is, to where and when to best to see it.

Actually, “seeing” a total solar eclipse is kind of an oxymoron.

The whole point is that it will be totally dark. In other words, you won’t be able to see shit.

Committed solar eclipse chasers have been planning their travel to various viewing sites for years. Lodging options have been fully booked for some time and in many cases, at greatly inflated prices. I called around one state and found some people who were renting out space in their backyards for hundreds of dollars for people willing to camp out.

Committed, indeed. (Or, maybe, should be.)

One location mentioned in that linked story is an eclectic spot, called Carhenge® that I’m sure will be overrun with many of those eclipse chasers.

 

Some stories even mention expected animal reactions to it getting dark (or you can just see what happens to them EVERY night) and some folks are even thinking of possible protection for their critters. (See the safety disclosure, below.)

I must admit, I have found it ironic that people are going to so much time and expense for what will amount to a whopping two minutes, of what one friend of mine said he can recreate by walking into his windowless pantry and closing the door.

While many articles have addressed the expected gridlock on local roads, one story had an even more pressing concern, especially for us old farts,

“What we’re worried about is … there won’t be a place to go to the bathroom.”

“Andrew Fraknoi is an eclipse expert, has a plan for where he’ll go to the bathroom Aug. 21 during the solar eclipse.”

“All of the porta-potties in the zone have been spoken for,” Fraknoi said.”

“…small towns have planned ahead, renting as many porta-potties for that day as they can get their hands on, Fraknoi said. But they likely still won’t have enough.”

Before you ask, yes, I am one of them planning on finding my way to the dark.

I’m heading out with two long-time friends to a secluded, high mountain, undisclosed location. Bathroom options will be limited, but I’ve already got my spot picked out.

Of course, no matter where you end up not viewing the sun, remember for about two minutes, you can pretty much go anywhere and no one will see a thing.

(Note: that was the big travel secret. Shhh, you didn’t hear it from me.)

FULL DISCLOSURE: so that I can avoid being sued, I better state the SAFETY WARNING you will read in every eclipse story until you are blind, or will become if you don’t pay attention to it:

Looking directly at the sun, even when it is partially covered by the moon, can cause serious eye damage or blindness. NEVER look at a partial solar eclipse without proper eye protection.

O.K. you’ve got a month to scour Google Earth to find your place to go in the sun…I mean, the dark.