It was fixin’ to snow like a bitch, they warned us.
Just over three months ago, official government climatologists with the United States of America issued a full-blown La Niña winter advisory.
But, here it is, just about Christmas and I’m seeing a lot more bare ski slopes than oodles of fluffy, wonderful white pow, as the hardcore skiers and boarders call it. (The “pow” part, not so much with the “oodles of fluff” description.)
Even the small-town newspaper where I live headed a story on the subject with,
“A year after epic skiing, Tahoe is dry.”
(For the record, the slopes are sans snow; the lake has not dried up, at least yet.)
The story went on to say,
“By this time last year, more than 7 feet of snow had fallen.”
Wasn’t it just last month when I excitedly mentioned movies which extolled last year’s truly epic season, with almost 70 feet of dumpage? In other words, oodles and oodles of fluff on top of more fluff.
That is the stuff that dreams—and Warren Miller movies—are made of.
Imagine my disappointment with the headlines last week that read, “Winter Forecast: Cloudy,” when just three months ago it was (in essence), RUN FOR YOUR LIVES—or at least, to the nearest tropical beach—IT IS FIXIN’ TO SNOW LIKE A BITCH. (I did say, “in essence.”)
If this keeps going, we may be told to run for our lives, but for an entirely different reason. A late breaking news story on a local television channel is informing us that a wildfire is burning just west of Lake Tahoe.
When you get the largest state wildfire agency in the country reporting a brush or timber fire in the middle of winter, well, it can’t be a good sign for skiing or boarding.
Wha’ happened, you ask.
Leave it to the gov’ment to razzle-dazzle us with a bunch of scientific mumbo-jumbo—and graphs, and stuff—like,
“A negative Arctic oscillation, which pushed bitter northern cold into the United States, and a periodic cooling of the North Pacific, known as the negative phase of the Pacific decadal oscillation, which amplifies a La Niña effect.”
But, they go on to use a little less nerd-alert meteorological language by telling us,
"It’s been a strange La Niña. [It] is tamer than last year.”
Ya think?!? I mean, if it goes much longer, my skiing will look like this:
Of course, after a beer, or two, these weather dudes and dudettes will break it down in even simpler terms by telling us,
“The weather pattern’s been kind of screwy.”
Not surprisingly, they conclude that all of this is just one more sign of the impending doom that manmade climate change is harboring.
In other words…it’s all your fault.
Happy Hanukah and if I don’t catch you again before Sunday, have a Merry Christmas.