BREAKING NEWS: A fungal disease threatens my very way of life. I need a drink.

For George Thorogood, it was bourbon, scotch, and beer.

 

For many—and me, until one fateful night along the shores of Eagle Lake in Lassen County—it was tequila.

 

But, for most of my adult life, it has been gin.

 

What was the question?

 

Gin and tonics, GNT’s with ice and lime (Gin, No Tonic), gin martinis, and as was de rigueur while on desert camping trips, or on river trips, or on remote road trips when the ice ran out, drinking directly out of the “blue bottle.”

 

 

    

 

If you don’t know what the blue bottle is, well I assume your alcoholic affinity tips towards the aforementioned bourbon, scotch, beer, or tequila.

 

At any given time, you will find multiple bottles of the fermented fruit of the juniper tree safely sequestered in our cellar, security provided by an easily agitated Australian cattle dog.

 

 

          

 

Imagine my horror upon hearing that worldwide gin supplies were being threatened by some obscure tree infection.

“The plant integral to the production of gin is being killed off by disease, according to a new report.”

 

I mean, I have a sufficient supply down there, but not THAT much.

 

 

                 

 

Apparently, I must have been dozing during  forestry classes on the subject of serious tree diseases, and by serious, I mean possibly, in some distant future, affecting the source of gin that I would someday come to crave, after almost dying drinking the evil fruit of the blue agave plant.

(At least, I felt that I wished that I had died.)

 

 

               

 

 

Having long since dumped my dusty forest pathology tomes, I relied on the power of Google to find reference a serious sounding tree ailment, and by serious sounding, I mean I can’t come close to pronouncing it.

“

Phytophthora austrocedri (P. austrocedri) is a fungus-like pathogen which poses a threat to juniper trees.”

“The recent discoveries of the pathogen are a concern because of the often fatal nature of infection of the host plant.”

 

 

        

 

(FULL DISCLOSURE: I strongly suggest you do NOT do a Google image search for “fungal infection,” as I mistakenly did. No really…don’t do it.)

 

Given the serious  nature of this dilemma, I am looking into possible crowd-funding remedies. 

 

I wonder if GoFundMeGin is already spoken for.

 

Otherwise, I might end up, to paraphrase Captain Jack Sparrow, by asking,

“But, why is the gin gone?”

 

In the meantime, here is an artist’s concept as to my next generation of gin supply, which I wish to put up for possible upcoming tough times.

 

 

        

 

I may need a bigger dog.

 

 

               

 

Cheers.