Spain adventure interrupted by…lice? No, but I am itching to get on to the plane.

File this under the category of, “Tell me something I don’t already know.”

 

USAToday ran a story this morning about the ongoing luggage lunacy associated with commercial airline travel.

 

Yeah, yeah, we all know that between ever-increasing baggage fees and the fear of lost luggage, most of us are packing our stuff onto the plane with us, ever vigilant to keep separate our little clear quart-sized baggie with liquids, creams, and gels under three ounces.

 

While we certainly are experiencing this situation first-hand as we fly from Sacramento to Dallas, and then on to Madrid, plus a stop in London, I am not exactly sure what’s new news here that promulgated this press announcement.

 

             

 

I know that I prefer that my personal belongings accompany me, onboard, so that I might welcome them once I arrive at my destination, sans holes ripped in the bag, gashes in the plastic corners, and fresh oil stains on the material of my checked-in luggage—all of which I have experienced more than once, which includes any damage caused by the Baggage Handler Luggage Toss Olympics that I have previously reported on.

(Thank goodness I don’t travel with a musical instrument, eh, Dave?!?)

 

Apparently, the airlines are unwilling or unable to keep everyone in line with whatever their current policy might be,

 

“Check-in and gate agents are told to police bags; templates for carry-on sizes sit at ticket counters and gates. But “airlines are taking a hit in staffing, and that leads to (less) enforcement,” says Caldwell, whose association represents 50,000 attendants at 21 U.S. carriers”

 

The article mentioned proposed legislation to regulate the maximum size of carry-on luggage (I thought we already had rules on that) and a hilarious suggestion that TSA become The Enforcers.

 

“Where the (carry-on) policy needs to be enforced is when we show our boarding pass and ID at the TSA checkpoint,” agrees security adviser Jim Princehorn, 60, of Rochester, N.Y.”

 

Wait…now you’ve got my attention.

 

I just hope that if TSA is tasked with counting and measuring carry-on luggage, they just never install scales on the conveyor that feeds their X-ray machines.

 

Between my 21” rolling, carry-on bag, plus my “computer bag” which contains enough electronics to build a uranium enrichment centrifuge, and plus occasionally a third bag containing my massive stack of unread magazines from home that I tote across the planet with the best of intentions to actually read and dispose recycle them, not only do I—technically—often have too many bags, but I may be carrying more weight onboard than they allow for my checked bag.

 

Yes, I can count—I know I am technically violating the published airline carry-on luggage policies, but…doesn’t everyone?!?  

 

And, worst case, if they insist on a “gate check-in” of my bigger carry-on bag, well, I just avoided the check-in bag fee, and I am a little more confident that my bag may get on the same plane as I do.

 

         

 

Some airlines are trying another method of speeding the boarding process.

 

“Virgin America is letting economy passengers without bags (just personal items) board ahead of others in San Francisco to see if that “makes the boarding process faster and more seamless,” says airline spokeswoman Abby Lunardini.”

I know that my Senior Sand Dollar Adventures Copy Editor has begged for years for a similar policy but at the other end of the flight. Judy would have all of us who have over-stuffed the overhead bins with over-sized and over-weight bags, sit quietly until those people (yes, you, Judy) could efficiently and effectively walk off the airplane, unencumbered with everything they own.

 

All these carry-on/ check-in bag issues have resulted in a new manner of queuing for boarding the plane. As one guy, who apparently doesn’t particularly enjoy the elbow-jostling at the boarding gate says,

 

“Retiree Bob Heavenrich of Ann Arbor, Mich., hates what he calls “gate lice” — passengers who clog the front of the boarding area, impeding others, so they can rush the plane when their zone is called. The goal: Get bags in bins and avoid having them taken and checked at the plane door.”

 

I prefer to characterize myself as simply “hovering” in the general area of the front of the boarding lines as I attempt to spy the printed zone number on the boarding passes of my “competitors” who are also milling around in a like fashion, in this new form of close combat, physical exercise, while I intently listen for my time to board.

I have become quite adept at timing the call for the next zone number by watching the boarding line and the furtive glances of the airline attendant.

 

Of course, my wife—having much higher standards for appropriate social behavior—patiently waits her turn and takes her chances with available overhead storage.

 

Hmmmm. Where’s her sense of sport in the game???

 

I’ll simply end with the closing quote from the USAToday story that really says it all,

 

“A note to fellow passengers: “Sorry, but I didn’t write the rules,” Swicegood says. “I’m just playing by them.”

Amen, brother. (Now get the hell out of my way…I’m looking for a vacant overhead bin.)